Already got asked if we're dating
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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