And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
