I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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