I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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