yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
