I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
