Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
