my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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