im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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