i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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