I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she smelled like a LAN party
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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