Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
