You were right. It hurts to walk today.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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