who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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