I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Everyone says I win the strip club
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
