Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
