Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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