wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
