you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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