I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
