cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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