If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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