You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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