i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize