Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
