She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
