i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
