Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
