Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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