We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
her vagine was all disorganized.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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