I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
