It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
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I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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