somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
