I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
