I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
