I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize