We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
