and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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