I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
