So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
