He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is Oprah even human
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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