Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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