Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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