took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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