I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
