You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
