Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
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Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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