Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
