can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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