her vagine was all disorganized.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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