no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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