Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
