I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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