is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize