I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
