You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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