Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
