Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
