I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
