I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
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My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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