and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
