I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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