ya dads aren't the best wingmen
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
